Posts tagged relationships

It all happened so fast.
“I have no idea what I’ll do tonight,” I said. I could already feel the boredom sinking in even though I was barely 5 minutes through the door.
“You could go to game night, you know,” He said.
“Yeah?” I replied warily.
“Yep. Nerds find girls ten times more sexy when they join in on game night.”
“Um. Right. You know I’ll have no idea what’s going on….”
“That’s okay! You can just sit and watch!”
“But it’s boys’ night! Are you sure you want me there?”
“Of course I do!” And I looked at the excitement in his blue eyes, like a puppy just asked if he wanted to go for walk, and with great trepidation I replied:
“Fine. I’ll go.”

And so I went. And from 7:30 to 10:30, I sat on the sofa while 7 grown men played something called CthulhuTech at the dining room table behind me. I remember there was a thing…and they had to try to kill the thing…and a warehouse…and riot shields…lots of guns…and dice…I don’t know. It was a like big, nerdy blur that sucked up 4 hours of my life.

And it was odd, too, how Dan changed in front of his friends. I always sort of expect to be ignored when he’s around other guys, but in this case, it was just the opposite. He’d get up and visit me on the couch, give me a little kiss and ask me how I was doing. I came to visit from time to time to see what was going on (there’s no physical game there, I found out) and he’d pull me over, give me a squeeze and hold me next to him for a while. Totally not expecting that. But I suppose when you consider that 5 out of 7 guys at that table didn’t have girlfriends, much less a wife, it’d make sense if this was Dan’s slightly geeky way of showing off a bit. While less than subtle bragging usually drives me up the wall, it didn’t feel so bad to be a trophy wife for a night. :)

But when I was back on the couch, nose glued to my phone, I did try to listen as the guys talked. I had decided that my only goal was to pick up enough that I could honestly ask Dan questions when he was done and deserve the nerdy trophy wife status. Much to my relief, I actually caught a few things towards the end that sounded kind of like my LoTR video game, so I had a small arsenal of questions at the ready when we got into the car. I knew I’d be regaled for hours about aliens, H.P. Lovecraft and various other things that I didn’t fully understand, but when we got home, he thanked me for asking questions and for sitting through it all, and it felt worth it.

Just like the books say, husbands really do appreciate it when you show interest in their extra-curricular activities (you don’t say!) So my advice is, no matter how boring, how dorky, how silly it may actually be to you, sometimes loving your husband just means going to his game night every once in a while, be it joining him on the couch for football, reading up on political events or even donning your dork shirt and spending the evening listening in on a post-apocalyptic world full giant bug wizards. He’ll feel more respected and you’ll probably gain +42 Wife Tenacity in the process, and that’s always ftw.

Every night we read one chapter in a book before we go to sleep. They’re usually of the Christian-Marriage-Relationship sort, but last night Dan wanted the Christian-Marriage-Relationship-Sex one. Whoo! He had enough of the Dobsons and their old married people blah blah blah and was ready for something a bit more…interesting. I groaned and he snickered as he grabbed my phone and hit the Kindle app, all ready for his naughty bit of education for the evening. His face quickly fell as he read the chapter: Knowing Who You Are.

Wow. We had come to the (what turned out to be one of the most important) chapter in the sex book where they talked about husbands stating who they are, what they want in life and how to share it with their wives so they can be a better lover. Whether he knew it or not, this was exactly what we both needed to hear last night. By the time he had finished reading, we had talked a lot, thought more and even sniffled a bit. The “mood” was quelched (momentarily), but let me just say that I really like this book.

What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Sex
Don’t let the boring, churchy cover/title fool you. It’s real, honest and written by guys who know what they’re talking about. Which isn’t to say the Dobsons are clueless by any means, but unlike them, this book is really in-touch with the modern Christian guy and guys in general, and certainly doesn’t tiptoe around sex in Christian marriage. It’s usually really hard for us to read sex books in general because there isn’t any grounding for the act itself—-it’s just animal instinct and pleasure, and reading it leaves us feeling a bit nauseous. Not to sound like an Amazon review (too late!), but finding this book has been a breath of fresh air because it’s meant that the giant sex guide (or The Big Book of Smut as I call it) that we got as a wedding gift gets to stay under the bed.

And these guys not only talk about sex and love, but what makes a good lover. How to build your relationship with your wife so you’re happier as a couple and therefore honestly happier in bed. I can’t even count the times I’ve stopped Dan mid-sentence to say, “That’s exactly what’s going on with us right now! Listen to these guys!” It’s just really awesome how many good conversations this book has stirred up, and I can tell Dan has formed a kind of respect for these authors, more so than any of the others we’ve read so far.

So even though I might not know what all I want my husband to know about sex right now, we have a reference so we’re both learning together. And if my husband ever complains about the lack of “action” in our literature, I’ll let him know he’s more than welcome to dig around under the bed and wrestle the smut book away from the spiders. (Hopefully they’re the only ones who’ll ever have to look at it again once we’re finished!)